Sunday, November 27, 2005
finally got down to changing my template. it's not anything spectacular but somehow, i think it kinda reflects my mood dis days, so yup.. :)
yday was q a bad day i think. but i'm glad shifu n hy were there for me. i only allowed myself 1/2hr to get over with the pangs of sadness. for q some time, i cldnt find the tears. they just wldnt come anymore. but they came back for a short visit yday, n left just as quickly as they came.
i love standing by my kitchen window,
staring out at the skies, gazing at the nice green park opposite, looking at ailin's window to c if she's there(haha), watching the cars n buses coming n going.. it makes me feel calm i guess :)
but sumtimes my gaze wld also (unintentionally?) fall upon the busstop, right at the little spot between the trees n the small stretch of stairs where i wld sumtimes wave gdbye to him while he waited for his bus. it's weird how some rather insignificant little things stay in our memories when we dun remember them on purpose.
i have the silly habit of smiling constantly to myself, thinking of the times we'v spent together, the way he laughs n smiles, how it felt to b in his arms,.. but now the silly smiles r gone, the xing fu feeling is gone. i noe i will move on just fine. i only nid a little more time. but
sumtimes i just cant help but wish he still loved me. then again, i wld rem how much my heart hurt when things were still dragging on meaninglessly, n i'd think to myself, mayb it isnt such a gd idea to wish for such silly things anymore. i used to think dat it's v cliche when u watch tv n some person is saying dat his/her
"xin1 sui4 le4". haha but now dat i'v experienced dat, it's lyk
woah! it really is DAT bad. ur heart really hurts lyk hell when it feels as though it's shattering to tiny bits n hot tears wld just keep streaming down ur face non-stop.
now dat more than a wk has passed, i suddenly wonder
if i din initiate the break up, when was he going to tell me? was he just waiting for me to initiate it? i dunno. but anw, i was listening to songs on winamp as it shuffled the songs on it's own, den it played
Gareth Gate's Say It Isn't So. haha i think the lyrics (ignore the little bits abt the train) r the closest dat any song lyrics can get to how i'm feeling.
BUT.i sound pathetic! dis is not how i shd b.
i shd stop feeling dat way.
i noe :)
i just cant help it :(
i nid more time :|
(i swear 1 day i wld luk back at dis entry n think i sound lyk a stupid fool.)
random thoughts at 1:06:00 AM
